Conscious Coupling

So Gwenyth Paltrow and Cold Play front man, Chris Martin, have done the “honorable” thing and used social media to announce their break up (sarcasm dripping from my proverbial pen). Titled “Conscious Un-Coupling” (the term that will have all word connoisseurs digging out their Urban Dictionary), this short-paragraphed statement sent the goop website into crash mode with readers scrambling to find and try to make sense of it all.

Apparently, the term is based on an approach in psychotherapy geared towards work that is done with divorcing couples or rather those who want to create yet another way of justifying why we can opt out of marriage. The premise behind consciously uncoupling is it determines how to “lovingly complete a relationship” so one can “make emotional breakthrough in the way you show up in your life and in the way you show up in your next relationship”. As if to say part of walking away from one commitment is to get ready for the next commitment, and the next.

The doctors at the end of Paltrow’s blog justify un-coupling as part of a solution for this generation of people who are living too long to actually be able to live with one person for a lifetime. I’m just through dealin’ on that one.

They got one thing right in all of this. Coupling is in fact a conscious act. When you lie and wake next to someone for years, it was to know that you consciously recognized that on the mornings you awoke upset, you made a conscious effort to fight through the red haze of anger. On the days when your spouse couldn’t move from surgery and depended on you to wash their toes in the tub, you made a conscious effort to heed the “in sickness” part of that pretty speech you said years ago.

It takes conscious effort to put marriage first for the sake of our children. That putting children first and deciding to walk away from one’s marriage isn’t really putting the children first, rather putting self first.

Where are you on this conscious-uncoupling wave? Are you the come hell or high water type or the one who jumps ship at the drop of trouble? What are some marriage deal breakers? Is there such a thing as friends after marital separation? Can divorced couples ever become conscious enough to co-parent in a healthy way? Share your thoughts.

Here’s the link to Gwenyth’s words: http://www.goop.com/journal/be/conscious-uncoupling

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