I came across a quote that really sets in play what my heart has been trying to find words for. To paraphrase, grief is like fire, it burns away all that is no longer essential in one’s life.
This personal journey towards scaling away thoughts, philosophies, relationships started some time ago. It may have even started when my mom was first diagnosed with cancer three years ago. When you have to deal with ailing parents (my dad was undergoing prostrate cancer treatment) you tend to minimize things that you once thought important.
Fast forward and my mom is not present with me in THIS life and I feel the burn. Things that captured my attention, no matter how much I want to delve back into it, I just can’t. People I may have wanted to talk to in the past, I just don’t. Call it what you may-depression, regret, misplaced anger, I just don’t care about certain things anymore.
I feel the burn. I don’t care to pretend cause it’s way too much energy to do so. If something is on my heart I’m going to say it; whether it’s telling someone I didn’t like what they said or apologizing for what I said. Either way, I don’t have the luxury of “time” to hold that in. I hear people who argue and say they give 24 hours space. In my mind the next 24 seconds aren’t promised. I get it off my chest and move on.
I feel the burn. Whatever may have mattered before May 30th may not matter next month or next year. And the coolest thing is what may not have mattered before now does. I drop a non-essential for what becomes more essential to me. Temporal living isn’t for a child of God and death of any kind reminds us daily that this all here will pass away.
I feel the burn.