My mother’s absence in my life has suddenly opened doors to a paradigm shift. It’s the most life altering aspect of grief and loss. To know that coming out on the other side of this will mean I’m no longer the person I was before, wow…
I’m the same old me. Same personality, same ideals and beliefs. I haven’t fallen off my rocker nor have I forsaken my faith. I still love shoes and I still love accessories. I still have a wicked sense of humor and still think way too much for my own good. But I’m not the same.
I’m okay with that. I’m okay with shedding some old skin. I’m okay with disconnecting from old habits and relationships. I’m okay with lowering my tolerance level for certain things and increasing it for others. I’m okay with turning my back on what I once thought as perfect opportunities and rather embracing new ones.
She’s gone. There’s nothing I can do about that. There is a deafening silence and a hole the size of my heart that will never be filled. I miss her to my core. I have her to thank for giving me life and now giving me new life.