Grief And Loss

Too Many Tabs

My work laptop has like 20 website tabs open these days. For every project I’m working on, I start something and I am too afraid I will forget the website (even after I save it) and refuse to close it out. Poor laptop is moving slower than molasses these days.

Reminds me of my brain. I promised myself after Mamman’s death that I would close out some tabs for the time being and focus on what matters. Fighting to keep that promise to her of “not working too hard”, making time for loved ones, stopping to smell the roses…Yet with life and obligations nipping at my heels, I’m fighting that much harder not to fall in that same rut of committing to too much and not truly living my life.

Grief and loss is a natural emotion with natural responses and natural consequences. The hard part is owning it all and working through it with dignity and honesty to self. Taking time for self is an uphill battle that should not be sacrificed at the altar of busyness.

Closing out some tabs (and keeping them closed) is what makes sense for me these days. One’s sudden reappearance on the scene of life isn’t carte blanche to expect that person to pick up where they left off. They may not want to pick that up again and those who know well enough should leave well enough alone.

Not attending an event, canceling another one, saying no to this person–all part of my way of closing out tabs and keeping them closed. Whatever one’s loss may be, don’t hesitate to reflect and deflect from taking on more than you can handle.

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