I was the shy girl who didn’t make friends easily in middle school. Arguably the toughest four years of my life, I look back at my younger self and am ever thankful that God’s hands upon kept me sane and centered. Being bullied because my mane was wild thick like Medusa’s, that I spoke “white”, that I didn’t cuss or did much of anything that would shame my family name, was the very rocks I took to build my present self.
I think of all the Black girls who lose themself in social media. Denying their love of books, their faith in Jesus, for a handful of likes on a trashy comment. I think of all the Black girls who walk around with hoodies on to hide their hair, or long sleeves to hide their cuts. Girls who pretend just to fit in. Self shame is the enemy of all women be they young or old.
That gradual walk to my personal sunset has me shedding lies that I told myself and lies others told me. But it’s the lies I whispered in self-talk that are the hardest to shed. The ones that say you aren’t whole until you birth a child. That you aren’t pretty unless your hair hangs straight. That you aren’t fashinable cause your clothes isn’t an original off the rack from a big name box store. Lies.com!
There is this verse that says that the latter house will be greater than the former. Ya’ll know I’m better with recall than I am with exact chapter and verse! Lol! And oowee is it gonna be great! Your patience and attention for foolishness is rather limited. These days, I preface my comments by saying, “The way my ADD is set up…” Why am I meeting you again? What’s the purpose of this call? What about me you don’t like? #BlankLook
I used to fuss at my mom for not being as upset as I was about the cards she was dealt with. After all, cancer isn’t nothing to play with. Little did I know she could give two flips about cancer and never wavered in her faith. I want what she’s having! Make it a double!
There’s a line in a TI song that resonates so deeply for me. It epitomizes the wisdom that this mere midlife revelation has brought me. It speaks to my inner core. It screams truth to me! Simply said…
You can miss me with it. You can miss me with it.