A casualty of being a Pastor wife is the whole living in a glass house with popcorn eating spectators on the other side. On a day like Mothers Day when folks stopped asking about babies and after losing my mom nearly a year ago this month, I opted to skip Sunday Service altogether. Didn’t feel like putting on a show for non-paying customers today. So thankful for a husband who doesn’t want a shell for a wife, but a happy wife.
Am I wallowing in bed this Mother’s Day weekend? No. Am I soaking my pillow case with tears? Sporadically. Am I making the best of this first Mother’s Day without my mom? I’m trying. Having my darling husband silently stand in our bedroom doorway, waiting and watching for the next episodic “miss my mom” fit is touching and somewhat funny. God bless those who have to live with the grieving!
Asked for the day off two months ago. Told my boss I needed a mental health day. I was sane and in my right mind when I filed that request. But I knew better. And whether I needed it or not, I deserved it. I enjoyed breakfast with my dad and my mom in law with hubby and his brother yesterday. Just the five of us. No fan fare. Just casual conversation and hanging out with the parents I have left. Finding my mother-in-law a new wig and buying her clothes and summer sandals. Highlight of my day. She’s a headache and half. And her for sons are only too happy to send her off to me to do all these girly things. I don’t mind. My momma raised a good girl.
I went somewhere all by myself yesterday. No “super star” hubby at my side. No instant recognition. No one is looking for a Pastor wife in a pair of red converse anyway! I moved from friend to classmate to church acquaintance and back to being by myself. That was fun. I wore myself out good and tired like a toddler. To fall asleep without much thought of contemplating for the day ahead.
I’m gonna hang with my friend today. She lost her mom mere months after mine. Love my friends dearly but I kinda wanna be with someone who gets me on today. No pretences. Just some good food, great mimosas, and good conversations.
May was the month my mom was officially diagnosed with cancer. May was the month she went back to the hospital for the last time. May is the month I lost her. May is the month I have to sludge through making new memories along the way.