For The Clueless: Football Starter Kit

This originally started out as an Instagram post. My family members were ragging on me because I’m the alien, the odd ball of the group. I. Don’t. Watch. Football. I. Could. Care. Less. 

And so I get teased. But I take it all in stride because at day’s end I’m not the nagging wife who just can’t understand why a pigskin and men in tights (well hmm scratch that last part) can be such a big deal. My husband yelled like a caveman today when the first play came on his large screen tv. It’s football season! Well, for the wives and girlfriends who just can’t quite fathom what the big deal is about, quit while you’re ahead.

Women who could give a rat’s ahem …behind about football, this is my starter kit tip for you. 

1-Buy him the bigger TV. He will leave yours alone. 

2-You won’t see him until Tuesday morning every week. Get yo life and be missing too. 

3-Don’t pretend to like football. Ain’t nobody got time to explain what a Hail Mary is. Hint: it’s not a Sunday prayer. 

4-Don’t throw any tantrums. He won’t hear you anyway. 

5-Remodel your house during football season. He won’t notice until Valentine’s Day and by then it’s too late! 😂😂

6-Watch 30 for 30 on ESPN. You will be surprised how much more respect you will have for the game of football. Or lack thereof. 

7-Walking in front of the television in your thongs will TEMPORARILY distract him. 😎. Do you know how long television football really is?!!

8-It’s okay to be the only girl among your girlfriends who doesn’t care for the game. Don’t worry, 1/3 of them are pretenders, 1/3 are trying to keep their man, and the other 1/3 tryna get a man. 😝

9-Enjoy the quiet weekends to yourself. Read more. Study more. Shop more. 

10-Don’t worry. He’s coming back to you. Sometime around February leading into March (probably, maybe.)

You’ve been duly warned. Leave well enough alone and wait it out. Basketball season is right around the corner. Ugh!!!


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