I will be the first to say I can be THE most opinionated, strong-willed Black chick you will ever come across. My daddy didn’t raise a wilting flower and my mama didn’t raise no fool. When I got my first college degree, dear old dad asked when was I going back to get the second. My husband knew what he was getting into when he slipped that ring on my finger. Or maybe he didn’t. Lol! These past 18 years has been one helluva ride with me at his side. That same tenacity and drive that I give to building our marriage has sometimes served me wrong. I have been impatient at times. I have been harsh at times. Hell, I’ve been downright selfish at times. And trust when I say, I have LEARNED.
So when I look around the single life landscape and I see young Black women on the rise, getting their #blackgirlmagic and #staymadabby on, I feel all warm and tingly on the inside. All with a side of apprehension mixed in for good measure. I’m a bit on edge when I see my sistahs failing at relationships that barely get off the ground. Here are my humble yet honest reminders of why you, my sistah in the faith, need to take several seats.
Know your place. The Bible called all of us to be heads not tails. It didn’t specify this to be a scripture for men only. It was meant for all believers. Yet Ephesians 6 is very specific about the role of man and wife. As a single woman, practicing will make perfect before you pledge your vows. He’s the man. Allow him to protect you. Allow him to walk on the sidewalk. Allow him to sit facing the door. Allow him to make decisions. Some of them will be on target. Others will be totally off. He will make mistakes.
He is called to love you as Christ loved the church. If you know what sacrificial love looks like, then just know the onus is on your partner to do whatever it takes to make and keep you happy. It’s called TRUST.
Don’t keep mess going. Okay. You got in an argument. Hell, married life will mean more opportunities to disagree. That staying mad for weeks on end, is bad for any relationship. My husband made sure I was clear early on in our marriage about some things. One of them was no going to bed angry. Mind you, I’m the one my own mamma called “raisable” because I could hold a grudge against my brother for weeks. In our marriage that wasn’t an option. Take a breather. Think things over and get back in the ring and fight fair. Don’t call names. Don’t cuss. Don’t demean. And at the end of it all, FORGIVE. And for Pete’s sake, don’t bring it back up!
Be worthy of his praise. Be that Proverbs 31:28 woman. The kind where your man is always singing your worth and making sure everybody and their mamma know who you are and how much of a blessing you are to him. If your man can’t say two good things about you without shaking his head midsentence, Houston, we have a colossal problem. If you are more of a headache, that’s a problem. If you are more of a hindrance, that’s a problem. A Black brother got enough going on in his life today (trying to stay alive being the primary one) to have you taking up unnecessary space in his mind with worry and angst. He needs to know he’s dating and seriously considering marriage with a woman who will not pose a threat to his manhood or his livelihood. A man who worries less about the home front, is a man who can go out and conquer the world.
So yep! Have a seat. You, you, and oh yeah, definitely you! Be cute all you want to. Cuteness don’t keep a man. Join a women’s group. Collect some new friends. Grab a hold to a mentor. Learn what it is to be a good woman before he puts that ring on your finger. And for those of you sailing in the wind unattached, keep sailing with your eye on the prize and another eye on making yourself the best woman you can be.