Current Events, Faith, Life Coach, Love & Marriage, Uncategorized

Sistah Take Seat: Upgrade Your Man

When Michelle LaVaughn Robinson saw Barak Obama pull up for their first date, I’m sure she didn’t envision secret service agents would be one day tailing him. What she did see was that huge hole in his car and may have had all sorts of thoughts running through her mind. Is this dude for real?!  I would like to think she had second thoughts. After all, she was his MENTOR! Their recent recounting of this first date ended with Michelle saying “I upgraded him!” FLOTUS didn’t walk away from her feelings of curiosity about this lanky young man with the cigarette dangling out the side of his mouth.  She went out on a second date and ultimately the longest date of their life.  

A lesson for all women be you single, dating, engaged, or married. Upgrade Your Man. 

Accept the flaws you’re willing to work with. You’re not perfect so don’t expect anyone else to be. You think men enjoy seeing hair in the sink or make up and other what-nots strewn about the counter? You think they don’t wonder about that odd personal habit you have? Let’s face it, some women can have some rather odd bordering on downright nasty habits. And their men love them nonetheless. Get over your need to point out his flaws which in the long run are truly minor. I can’t say what those are. We all have our own tolerances. Point is, stop sweating the small stuff. Is he responsible with his personal finances? Does he love his mama? Can he keep a job? Is his credit good? Can he drink in moderation? Can you take him to a dinner party and not be embarrassed? Girl, work out the rest. 

Focus on the bigger picture. We get so caught up in the doldrums of life that when we look over to our partner, we tend to forget how to remain optimistic. Wives are more susceptible to this. You’re years in, a few kids in tow, the dog bringing up the rear with the mortgage, college savings lagging close behind. Big picture thinking says, you are raising future leaders who are going to impact God’s Kingdom with all you deposited in their lives.  In the dating phase it may show itself in getting easily frustrated with personality differences, different levels of education, or minor differing philosophical viewpoints.  You got two degrees and he has half of one. His swag needs some improving. You knew that going in. Big picture thinking says you stand as an encourager for not who he is right now but who he will become tomorrow. 

Upgrade, upgrade. We live in a world where it’s expected that you set aside something once you are bored with it. Those shoes don’t fit. Set it aside. That hairdo isn’t au courant, then switch it up. That man isn’t living up to your expectations. Next! Single ladies, I am not saying to remain with a batterer, alcoholic, drug user, or ill tempered man. You are not Jesus Christ cause He is the only one who saves. Drop that “Mother Theresa” act and save your life! What I am saying is to take stock of what is working and what is not. In your journal write the Grows (areas that need improvement) and Glows (areas that are going well) in your relationship. Then sit back. Reflect. Pray. God will send that still small voice to whisper truth into your ears. And when He does, please heed His words. Unhappily married women everywhere plead that you do! They ignored the whispers, and ultimate screeching and have a heavy bag of tears to prove it. 

I look back fondly at those times when my husband and I would take the local bus to the movies. Or the time he bought a car that didn’t need a key to start it. Or the Scooby Doo van we rode around town in. Or the times he had to borrow a car to come get me late at night from work. I miss those “one car days” cause we started out our days together. Never belittle humble beginnings. Upgrade your relationship. Don’t be in such a hurry to trade it in. 

Life Coach, Love & Marriage, Uncategorized

Sistah, Take A Seat: Don’t lose your mind over Valentine’s

There is a ratchet photo circulating along the meme highway of a group of Black women rolling into Red Lobster’s on Valentine’s Day looking like they were the cast offs from the Mad Max Thunder Dome movie. No bueno. Yet another ploy by the media demons to dissuade single women from being perfectly okay with the fact that they are not attached on the one day of the year where society says you NEED to be attached. 

Don’t believe the hype. I know, I know. Married woman telling single woman it’s okay to be alone on this of all days. Married woman telling single woman she can do bad all by herself. Well it’s true. You can do the baddest, be the baddest all by your self. 

Field Trip, Road Trip. It’s a long weekend this go around. Plan on going somewhere that doesn’t include long lines with people waiting for tasteless meals. Take the squad who can pay their own way and don’t mind splitting the check. If you don’t have them type of friends, there’s a blog coming soon for that too. Back in the day, me and my girlfriends would get dressed up and take our own selves to dinner. And trust!  We looked nothing like them ratchet chicks on that meme. We did look more like cast offs from SWV! Lol! Fierce I say!

Treat yourself. It’s okay. You will realize that as an evolving woman, the obligations of life will cause you to place yourself on the back burner.  Being married. Having kids. Caring for aging parents.  Being a professional. All roles that will have you thinking less and less of yourself. In this season of solo-living, enjoy the privilege of buying the things you don’t need to fill a purchase order form for. Trust when I say, you got it good when you’re the only one minding your own finances. A tech savvy husband who knows when you swiped the card at the Pandora store is not what you want in your life right now! Buy those diamond stud earrings. Who says you have to wait on a man to buy them for you? Diamond rings are worn on any finger you know. Want a ring? Buy it? A puppy? A pair of shoes that will never go on sale? That eyewear that comes in the pretty blue box? Girl, you  want it buy it. Just don’t break the bank while doing it. Another blog on that coming soon too. 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yes being romantically attached is the best thing since corn bread! But being unattached doesn’t mean you are somehow inadequate. Do not allow the enemy to come in the form of depression to take hold of your mind. He comes to tell steal your joy. Kill your dreams. And destroy your God-esteem. He comes in the form of naysayers, folks who keep asking you the idiotic “when are you?” questions, and especially as a dark voice oppressing your conscience. Keep busy in God’s work. Find a cause and volunteer. Mentor a young girl. Cultivate a culturally rich existence. Go to the opera. Try camping. Read a book. Travel. 

This is not where I promise you that your Knight in Shining Armor is right around the corner. It is where I say that you are in a season of your life that can never be duplicated. That will be some of the best memories of your life. That will be what you think of wistfully and hopefully with no regrets.