Current Events, Faith, Life Coach, Love & Marriage, Uncategorized

Sistah Take Seat: Upgrade Your Man

When Michelle LaVaughn Robinson saw Barak Obama pull up for their first date, I’m sure she didn’t envision secret service agents would be one day tailing him. What she did see was that huge hole in his car and may have had all sorts of thoughts running through her mind. Is this dude for real?!  I would like to think she had second thoughts. After all, she was his MENTOR! Their recent recounting of this first date ended with Michelle saying “I upgraded him!” FLOTUS didn’t walk away from her feelings of curiosity about this lanky young man with the cigarette dangling out the side of his mouth.  She went out on a second date and ultimately the longest date of their life.  

A lesson for all women be you single, dating, engaged, or married. Upgrade Your Man. 

Accept the flaws you’re willing to work with. You’re not perfect so don’t expect anyone else to be. You think men enjoy seeing hair in the sink or make up and other what-nots strewn about the counter? You think they don’t wonder about that odd personal habit you have? Let’s face it, some women can have some rather odd bordering on downright nasty habits. And their men love them nonetheless. Get over your need to point out his flaws which in the long run are truly minor. I can’t say what those are. We all have our own tolerances. Point is, stop sweating the small stuff. Is he responsible with his personal finances? Does he love his mama? Can he keep a job? Is his credit good? Can he drink in moderation? Can you take him to a dinner party and not be embarrassed? Girl, work out the rest. 

Focus on the bigger picture. We get so caught up in the doldrums of life that when we look over to our partner, we tend to forget how to remain optimistic. Wives are more susceptible to this. You’re years in, a few kids in tow, the dog bringing up the rear with the mortgage, college savings lagging close behind. Big picture thinking says, you are raising future leaders who are going to impact God’s Kingdom with all you deposited in their lives.  In the dating phase it may show itself in getting easily frustrated with personality differences, different levels of education, or minor differing philosophical viewpoints.  You got two degrees and he has half of one. His swag needs some improving. You knew that going in. Big picture thinking says you stand as an encourager for not who he is right now but who he will become tomorrow. 

Upgrade, upgrade. We live in a world where it’s expected that you set aside something once you are bored with it. Those shoes don’t fit. Set it aside. That hairdo isn’t au courant, then switch it up. That man isn’t living up to your expectations. Next! Single ladies, I am not saying to remain with a batterer, alcoholic, drug user, or ill tempered man. You are not Jesus Christ cause He is the only one who saves. Drop that “Mother Theresa” act and save your life! What I am saying is to take stock of what is working and what is not. In your journal write the Grows (areas that need improvement) and Glows (areas that are going well) in your relationship. Then sit back. Reflect. Pray. God will send that still small voice to whisper truth into your ears. And when He does, please heed His words. Unhappily married women everywhere plead that you do! They ignored the whispers, and ultimate screeching and have a heavy bag of tears to prove it. 

I look back fondly at those times when my husband and I would take the local bus to the movies. Or the time he bought a car that didn’t need a key to start it. Or the Scooby Doo van we rode around town in. Or the times he had to borrow a car to come get me late at night from work. I miss those “one car days” cause we started out our days together. Never belittle humble beginnings. Upgrade your relationship. Don’t be in such a hurry to trade it in. 

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