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Sistah Take A Seat: Don’t Pay For Bae

As women, we spend a great deal of our lifetime being something to someone else. We are first daughters to parents. Sisters to siblings. Gal pals to friends. Significant others to men. Mothers to children. Aunt. Goddy. Sister in law. Grandmother. And on and on. 

Our roles bleed into each other. There’s no beginning and definitely no end to our super powers. We can make a meal with $10 or less. We can have 20 tabs open on our laptop and get it done all the while jostling a sick child on our hip or feeding jello to an ill parent in hospice. There is no end to our inner strength. It is both a blessing and a bane to our existence. Yet, there are times we extend too much, share too much, do too much…way too much. 

Bae is that boo thang whose caught your eye. He’s saying the right words. He’s hard core or he’s super sweet. Whatever your preference, he’s laying his mojo and making you feel all ooey-gooey on the inside. One day he’s driving your car cause his is in the shop. Before you know it, he’s driving your car around town while you wait on public transportation. One day he’s asking you for a couple of dollars to make rent. Before you know it, he’s got his Jordan’s in your closet and buying a pair every other week. 

So I’ve painted some very extreme cases of instances where the relationship balance is skewed–or maybe I haven’t. I’ve heard the horror stories of women who ended up being nothing more than a bank account, therapist, and chef for men who showed their natural (insert your preferred word here) when they felt it safe to do so. I’ve seen co-dependent relationships breed all sorts of tragic outcomes. She was paying his bills while he was paying someone else’s. She was looking out for his kids while he was busy making another for her to take care of–with someone else. She was hiding his drugs at her place while he was laid up somewhere else where police raids wouldn’t find a tic tac to charge him for. And it goes on and on. 

Fall back sister-friend. Pause. Stop. Take off those rose colored glasses and see your life for what is really happening. You’ve paid and paid and paid for Bae with no return on your investment. You’ve paid with your finances. Your energy. Your time. Your body. Was it really worth it? There are married women who don’t do what you do. Women whose names are on life insurance policies and mortgages and bank statements.  It says something about them but it definitely says more about you. 

You are doing THE ultimate MOST! No, Rome wasn’t built in a day. But it certainly was destroyed in one. Bae needs a wake up call, not you. He needs a life altering change in his life, not you. Bae needs a reality check, not you. 

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